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Focus

3 ways to improve focus 63%

Some people can concentrate on a task no matter what distractions might be happening around them. My brother, who is an avid reader, can sit in a public place and read no matter how noisy it is. Some people can play in a chess tournament and focus on their game, no matter how many people are watching. Others, however, cannot concentrate on their reading in a coffee house or play a good game of chess with a crowd surrounding them.

Being able to focus is a very beneficial skill. School children have to be able to pay attention in class even if their classmates are not keeping quiet. They have to be able to focus on their homework, even if other kids are playing outside or a sibling is listening to the radio.

But beyond these practical reasons, a person's ability to focus and concentrate affects their level of performance. In order to solve a problem, you have to be able to focus, and if you can't concentrate, you can't find s solution. The ability to concentrate is important to anything we want to accomplish. When a person increases their concentration skills, they see a big improvement in everything they do. There is no doubt, then, that anybody can benefit from the strengthening of his ability to concentrate and focus.

Children in general have shorter attention spans than adults. It is impossible to expect a child to sit and concentrate for a long time, because it is natural for children to move around and be active. Part of the reason is that children's minds work extremely fast, and they have the need to be presented with new material constantly. When they feel that they have learned all they can from one activity, they will move to the next one, looking for more information.

There are some games that you can play with your child that will increase his ability to concentrate and focus. You can play the games suggested here, or you can invent your own games around these exercises, depending on your individual child, their age and their interest. Here are some suggestions:

1. Have your child close his eyes, and imagine a triangle. Then have him slowly draw the triangle on a piece of paper with his eyes closed. Have him do it again, and see if there is any improvement in the triangle he has drawn. The slower he does it, the better. It is practically impossible to perform this task without concentrating and focusing on it, and the slower the task is performed he will focus longer and more intensely. When your child is drawing perfect triangles, you can advance to more complicated figures, a square, a star, etc.

2. Have your child hold his arm out. With closed eyes, tell your child to start feeling an intense heat on the palm of his hand, as if he is holding a hot potato. Focus on it for a few minutes, when it starts to feel uncomfortable (too hot), have him stop and shake his hand.

3. Have your child practice reading in different environments, like a library and a restaurant. If your child doesn't read yet, read a story to him. Russian chess players practice in noisy places. They play in the park or in coffee houses, because it helps them learn how to tune out distractions.

4. When you go to the park or the beach, have your child listen to the sounds of nature and life: the waves, birds and animals in the park. Have him practice listening to the sounds intently for the longest time possible. If you have a recording of nature sounds, you can even practice at home.

Contributed by Solomon Brenner Author of Black belt Parenting "the art of raising your child for success" Master Instructor of Action Karate Please send all questions to actionkarate@comcast.net

Are you Listening?

Are you listening!!!!

Everyone experiences negative feelings about themselves from time to time—even your children. Whether it’s school, sports, talents, or even himself, your child has probably felt negative about something. But what happens when this negativity starts to affect his schoolwork, social skills, or personal development? There are different approaches to how you can help your child overcome a destructive attitude and reach his full potential.

Firstly, and perhaps most importantly, is listening. When something is bothering your child, do you listen to him? A lot of negativity can occur when a child doesn’t believe his parents are listening or that they are taking him seriously. Ask questions and be an active listener when you suspect something is wrong. Encourage your child to talk about things he feels negative about, why he feels that way and how he would feel better about it.

Be aware of your own responses when discussing your child’s attitude with him. Do you show real interest and concern or do you dismiss his concerns as silly and inconsequential? Look at his reactions to your conversations. Even if you are trying to help, they may only worsen his anxiety. Sometimes he might need time to process something on his own before he is ready to share with you. Every person is different.

Remember that you are the first source your children turn to for how to behave. What kind of example are you setting? If you don’t handle stress well and react by being too hard on yourself or others, your children see this as acceptable behavior and start to exhibit the same attitudes when they are struggling. Your actions speak louder than your words. Try to demonstrate a positive attitude around your children, even when things become hard to handle.

One way you can help your child overcome his negativity is by praising his good efforts, hard work or determination in whatever it is he’s feeling bad about. If he’s struggling with his math skills, praise his persistence on a difficult problem. Even praising unrelated skills or well-done tasks can make him feel better. By pointing out all the great things about him, he’ll have less time to think about what he feels are his weaknesses.

In order to help your child become more positive, you have to get to the root of what’s causing his negativity. He could be feeling insecure in his abilities or afraid that he will make a mistake with disappoint you. Bad attitudes can be habit-forming. Once he starts thinking negatively, he will always assume the worse—he’s never going to make the basketball team or there’s no way he’ll pass his next test. By cutting off the root of the problem you prevent him from forming a habitual negativity.

Little things like being a good sport when his team loses can help contribute to a positive attitude. An environment like this where positive attitudes are reinforced and encouraged can help boost your child’s confidence and banish his negativity. Jeaneane Kozlowski enrolled her son in karate class and it has really helped him foster a positive attitude.

“Before starting karate he was always fearful that he wasn’t doing anything right, and he was down on himself,” Jeaneane said. “Now he knows he is awesome and can do anything and is proud of his achievements.”

Jeaneane’s son is an example of how a positive attitude in one part of your life can seem into other areas of your life as well. Find out what causes your child’s negativity and work together to turn his thoughts of “can’t” around.

Contributed by Author Solomon Brenner Black belt Parenting "the art of raising your child for success"

Master instructor of Action Karate. Call about upcoming Bully Classes

Negativity

Are you listening!!!!

Everyone experiences negative feelings about themselves from time to time—even your children. Whether it’s school, sports, talents, or even himself, your child has probably felt negative about something. But what happens when this negativity starts to affect his schoolwork, social skills, or personal development? There are different approaches to how you can help your child overcome a destructive attitude and reach his full potential.

Firstly, and perhaps most importantly, is listening. When something is bothering your child, do you listen to him? A lot of negativity can occur when a child doesn’t believe his parents are listening or that they are taking him seriously. Ask questions and be an active listener when you suspect something is wrong. Encourage your child to talk about things he feels negative about, why he feels that way and how he would feel better about it.

Be aware of your own responses when discussing your child’s attitude with him. Do you show real interest and concern or do you dismiss his concerns as silly and inconsequential? Look at his reactions to your conversations. Even if you are trying to help, they may only worsen his anxiety. Sometimes he might need time to process something on his own before he is ready to share with you. Every person is different.

Remember that you are the first source your children turn to for how to behave. What kind of example are you setting? If you don’t handle stress well and react by being too hard on yourself or others, your children see this as acceptable behavior and start to exhibit the same attitudes when they are struggling. Your actions speak louder than your words. Try to demonstrate a positive attitude around your children, even when things become hard to handle.

One way you can help your child overcome his negativity is by praising his good efforts, hard work or determination in whatever it is he’s feeling bad about. If he’s struggling with his math skills, praise his persistence on a difficult problem. Even praising unrelated skills or well-done tasks can make him feel better. By pointing out all the great things about him, he’ll have less time to think about what he feels are his weaknesses.

In order to help your child become more positive, you have to get to the root of what’s causing his negativity. He could be feeling insecure in his abilities or afraid that he will make a mistake with disappoint you. Bad attitudes can be habit-forming. Once he starts thinking negatively, he will always assume the worse—he’s never going to make the basketball team or there’s no way he’ll pass his next test. By cutting off the root of the problem you prevent him from forming a habitual negativity.

Little things like being a good sport when his team loses can help contribute to a positive attitude. An environment like this where positive attitudes are reinforced and encouraged can help boost your child’s confidence and banish his negativity. Jeaneane Kozlowski enrolled her son in karate class and it has really helped him foster a positive attitude.
“Before starting karate he was always fearful that he wasn’t doing anything right, and he was down on himself,” Jeaneane said. “Now he knows he is awesome and can do anything and is proud of his achievements.”

Jeaneane’s son is an example of how a positive attitude in one part of your life can seem into other areas of your life as well. Find out what causes your child’s negativity and work together to turn his thoughts of “can’t” around.

Contributed by Author Solomon Brenner Black belt Parenting "the art of raising your child for success" Master instructor of Action Karate. Call about upcoming Bully Classes

Bullying

Bullying is very common among children, Children who fall victim to bullying are not usually able to avoid it. For this reason many adults are researching ways to prevent bullying. There might be many reasons why children choose to bully their peers. The worst part is that bullying happens on many levels. Professionals say that bullying needs to be handled carefully. Also, most believe that it is usually easier to prevent it than to stop it once it has started.

Bullying happens most often in isolated areas , usually where there is little to no supervision. Hence, it could be smart to ask your children not to walk around alone when recess is in session or around other children. Ask your children to make new friends; bullying almost always happens when the child is alone. Avoiding reactions to bullying in the first place might be the best way to stop further bullying because bullies wait for a reaction so that they can enjoy it.

Educate your children to show boldness and strength. Because most bullying happens because the bullies are sure that the victim is afraid, It is vital to avoid sobbing or crying. Crying or acting upset is the kind of enjoyment bullies look for, and they try to get more fun from the victim that becomes upset with their actions.

Another vital thing is to educate your children to respond to bullying. They should also develop good confidence. This will ultimately make it easier for them to avoid being a target of bullying. Let your children know that bullying is not his or her fault. Let them know that being bullied is bad if they are a target.

Here are some tips from experts on how to deal with bullying.

Make sure you are aware. Your children should come and let you know as soon as they get bullied. Encourage a strong bond with your children. This will get your child to muster up the courage to let you know what’s going on with friends and at school.

Encourage your children to trust their teacher. Your children need to trust their teacher or principal. They should inform you of anything bad that happens to them. This will help the correct authorities keep an eye on bad activities happening inside school or around campus.
Show confidence. It is important to show confidence. Ask your children to be confident and to take bullying in his stride. A confident child is a hard target.

Make friends. Tell your child to create a strong bond of friendship with his classmates and peers of his age group. This means that the friends should stick up for each other and be together as one.

Response. Let your child know how to respond to bullying. They should say nothing & walk away from the area.

Avoid areas where there is no supervision. Children should stop walking through unsupervised areas. They should never be alone. Let them walk through a high traffic place or walk together with friends when passing through an area without supervision.

Let your children know you are proud. Praising your children will shoot up their self esteem level, which in turn raises his or her confidence. Remember, proud confident children are less likely to be bullied.

Contributed by Solomon Brenner author of Black Belt Parenting "the art of raising your child for success" master Instructor of Action Karate Master Brenner donates his time each year to teach bully prevention to local schools all the spots are currently filled. If you would like to get on a waiting list please call 215.355.5003
 

Confidence

Confidence = Success

Is your child ready for back to school?

Every child is different. For this reason there is no parenting handbook, no easy place to go to look up all the answers. But if you want your child to succeed there is one common factor that every child must have in order to reach his goals in life: confidence. If they don’t have faith in themselves, they won’ be able to achieve success, but with a firm foundation of confidence, they can achieve anything.

Building your child’s confidence is all about empowering them to be the best they can be. If you believe in them, it will help them believe in themselves. Never use the word “can’t” when speaking of your child’s abilities. You have to let your children know that they can’t do anything they put their minds to if they work hard and believe in themselves. When they do accomplish something great, don’t hesitate to praise them. Even if they don’t succeed at first, applauding their efforts will give them reason to try harder next time.

If you start building your child’s confidence at home, it will carry over into their school life, too. Children who are confident participate more in class and aren’t afraid to ask questions. As a result, they get more out of their education. They are also more likely to make friends. A confident child is willing to go out on a limb to introduce himself to new people.

Remember that with confidence, attitude is everything. Even if your child is feeling nervous—on the first day of school or starting a new activity, for example—pretending to be confident can actually make them confident. The rule is “fake it ‘til you make it.” If your child keeps his focus forward instead of looking the ground, wears a bright smile and uses a strong, confident voice, no one will ever know he is nervous.

Giving your child an opportunity to be a leader is a great way to build his confidence. Leadership isn’t something that can be taught; rather, it is learned through experience. There are plenty of small ways to start your child on the past to leadership. Whether it’s helping out at school, volunteering in the community or even just completing chores around the house, letting your child be a leader will make him feel good about himself and increase his confidence.

There are also lots of sports and activities with confidence builders integrated right into daily practices or lessons. One of the great things about martial arts is the confidence it gives students in all areas of their lives. Kristen O’Grady, whose children, Garrett and Shannon, take class says, “I have noticed a tremendous difference in my children’s confidence since attending karate. They are not hesitant to participate and are more outgoing. I also see a positive impact on how they choose their friends and interact with them.”

One of the most important benefits your child will gain from increased confidence is the ability to stand up to bullying and peer pressure. It is a sad but true fact that bullies tend to pick on kids that are shy because they know they won’t stand up for themselves. If your child is confident it is less likely that he will be a target of bullying and more likely that he will stand up for others he sees being bullied. Also, a confident child knows how to make good decisions for himself, and won’t allow others to pressure him into doing something he knows is wrong. Confidence puts your child in control and is vital to his success in life.

Contributed by Author Solomon Brenner Black belt Parenting "the art of raising your child for success"

Master instructor of Action Karate. Call about upcoming Bully Classes

Working for Immunity

In order for the body to cure itself, the immune system must be strong and functioning properly. The immune system can be strengthened gradually through a wholesome natural diet, natural supplements and exercise, or it can be damaged gradually by abuse. Minor health concerns can become major health problems if the immune system is not strong.
Children with strong immune systems are not affected as much by everyday toxins. It is the immune system’s responsibility to eliminate these toxins. The most important factor in strengthening the immune system is proper nutrition.

Parents should not rely on pediatricians alone to instruct them on the best nutrition for their children. They need to take the responsibility for their own children and find out for themselves.

Eating a variety of healthy raw foods is a big plus for the immune system. One study showed that cooked foods puts strain on the immune system, while raw foods did not. More white blood cells were found in the intestines with cooked foods, while no change in white blood cell count was noted in the intestines when raw foods were consumed.

Another way to strengthen the immune system in children is taking supplements or choosing foods that are naturally high in certain vitamins and nutrients. Vitamin A and Beta-Carotene work as antioxidants to inhibit free radical damage and strengthen the immune system. Vitamin C is also an antioxidant and helps protect against immune-related diseases such as colds, flu and cancer.

Vitamin C also is one of the most important nutrients for heart health. The human body does not produce vitamin C like animals. Animals do not have heart attacks because they produce about 20 grams of vitamin C daily. Heart attacks are one of the leading causes of death in humans world-wide. Vitamin C is the paste of the artery walls that keeps them from blowing out. When the body does not have enough vitamin C it tries to repair weak artery walls by making it's own paste from lipoprotein, which clogs the arteries. Vitamin C and other key nutrients keep the the cholesterol from sticking to the artery wall.

Vitamin E helps produce cells to fight infection. B Vitamins help the nervous system with stress. Selenium and zinc are important antioxidants. Rose Hips help strengthen the immune system. According to many herbalists, echinacea is a natural antibotic that helps stimulate immune function. Garlic is a natural antibotic and seems to help with infections. Essential Fatty Acids are essential to the immune system and must be gotten through food or supplements because the body does not produce them.

Moderate, consistent exercise has also been linked to a strong immune system. Exercise creates a temporary boost in macrophages, which are the cells that attack bacteria. During exercise immune cells circulate through the body more quickly and are better able to kill bacteria and viruses. The immune system generally returns to normal a few hours after exercise, but consistent exercise seems to make the changes a bit more long-lasting. Research has shown that those who walk 40 minutes per day have half as many sick days due to colds or sore throats as those who don’t exercise.

Parents must set the example of proper nutrition, supplementation and regular exercise. If children are taught the right way while they are young they form healthy habits that will last them a lifetime.

This Article contributed by Solomon Brenner author of best selling Black Belt Parenting and Master Instructor of Action Karate. This week action karate is hosting a focus seminar . Please call to check availablity.215.355.5003

Leadership: Does your child have this major skill?

It isn’t easy to stand up in front of a crowd and take the lead, but at some point we are all called upon to do just that. Whether it is a presentation for school or a class project, you want your child to feel comfortable standing in front of his peers. This confidence is not only important for school, but also for success in his career as an adult.

A great way to teach leadership is to let your child take the lead once in a while. Let him teach you something. It could be as simple as asking him to show or tell you how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Antoinette Hinkle’s son, Ryan, likes to bring the leadership skills he learns in karate class home to teach his family.

“He loves to show everyone how strong he is and his karate kicks,” Antoinette said. “He even loves to tell people when they are doing it wrong.”

Giving them a leadership role somewhere they are already comfortable will make it easier for them to take the lead in a more challenging situation. As they get older they can take the lead on more complicated tasks. With so much practice as a leader, you child will grow naturally into a confident individual.

A big part of being a leader is having confidence, which is why giving them a leadership role at home is great first step. To help them branch out, help them get involved in a group activity where they can make friends and feel comfortable. This will make your child more confident and therefore give him more of the tools he needs to be a leader.

By trying different sports and activities to see what he likes best, your child could discover his passion. We all know how much easier it is be enthusiastic about something we enjoy. This translates into leadership for your child. When he finds something he loves to do, he will want to take on a more active role and be a leader.

Don’t forget that your children watch every move you make. If you are going to preach the values of being a leader, even when that means doing the hard thing because it’s the right thing to do, you’re gong to have to live those values yourself. Otherwise, the lectures go in one ear and out the other. Using your own behavior as an example is a great way to show your child little ways you can be a leader everyday.

Being a leader has greater benefits than being team captain or club president. If your child is a leader, he thinks for himself. A leader doesn’t do something just because all the other kids are doing it. This means he is less likely to submit to peer pressure or fall in with the wrong kind of group and more likely to stand up for himself and others.

Leadership isn’t easy. There are always going to be obstacles and setbacks. It’s how your child deals with these obstacles that separates the leaders from the followers. The key is to have a positive attitude. For others to believe in and follow him, your child must first believe in himself. He has to have an “I can” attitude that keeps him moving forward no matter what life throws at him.

When your child is scared to stand in front of a crowd because he doesn’t want to make a mistake, remind him about the power of a positive attitude. If he goes in believing he will be a great leader, he has already won half the battle.

Contributed by Solomon Brenner master Instructor of Action Karate and Author of Black Belt Parenting "the of raising your child for success" Back to school registration is happening this week please call 215.3555.5003
 

Dealing with Homework

It’s hard to find a child who enjoys doing homework, so how do you help them stick with it when your children find homework too tedious or too difficult? If parents take interest in the homework assignments of their children, their children show interest in completing their assignments. Parents should show that they value education as well as homework. There are many ways through which parents can help their children with homework.

Parents should set aside time daily to help their children with their home assignments. This can be done by analyzing their daily work schedule. The number of hours you wish to give to your child depends on his learning needs, his age, type of assignments, level of difficulty and of course, your working hours. Some children might be more productive in the evenings, while others might show more efficiency after an hour of sports. Extracurricular activities such as music classes, dance classes, and tennis lessons also take a lot of time. Though all these are crucial for the all-round development of your child, these should not interfere with his homework time.

It is important that you choose the right place for your child's study. Many parents spend more time and money on making the study area fancy. This, however, is not at all important. A study room should be well lit, clean, airy and most important, quiet.

Distracting elements like loud music, television, and computer games should not be close to the study area. Telephone calls should be avoided by all means during your child's study time, unless urgent. Some children work efficiently with some kind of background music. The important thing is to analyze different aspects that can make your child more productive.
Parents should ensure that study materials such as pens, pencils, writing paper, a dictionary, erasers, calculator, paper clips, and acworld map are available in your child's study area. Children sometimes complain about not having enough resources to complete their homework and use this as an excuse not to do their assignments. Providing your child with an Internet connection using a laptop or a desktop is a good idea only if it is not misused. Sometimes, the Internet can provide a lot of information for the completion of a homework assignment. It is important, however, that your child does not start surfing websites that are irrelevant in context to his assignment.

Often, children imitate their parents and elders. Therefore, parents should cultivate good habits like reading and writing. Educational games, for instance, can be used from time to time. Visiting places like the public library, museums, and botanical gardens with your child can have a positive effect on him.

Parents should show interest in school activities like parent-teacher meetings or spelling bees. Parents should interact with teachers to understand their child's needs. Parents who participate in their child's school activities can contribute more to their child's growth in and out of school. If you have hired an online tutor for homework help, you should also talk to the online tutoring organization to learn about your child's progress. K-12 tutoring can be of great help as far as homework is concerned. With the recent popularity of homeschooling, online tutoring has become an important part of education. Parents should join hands with educators and online tutors to work out new ways to make homework more engaging for children.

This Article contributed by Solomon Brenner author of best selling Black Belt Parenting and Master Instructor of Action Karate. This week action karate is hosting a focus seminar . Please call to check availablity.215.355.5003
 

Shy

Most parents wish their kids would plunge into new situations and make friends easily. Instead, shy and cautious children cling to our legs or hang on the sidelines. When someone they don't know or are not comfortable with talks to them, they lower their eyes and don't answer. When they refuse to try an unfamiliar activity, we push them to participate. We become disappointed, annoyed, or frustrated with them when they aren't as outgoing as we'd like.

Let's take a closer look at shyness: Try a little understanding. Many of us don't think of ourselves as shy, but remember how you felt when you walked into an office full of new co-workers or attended a party where you knew no one? Everybody is shy to some extent, but most adults learn to find ways to cope because we've discovered that hanging back doesn't work for us. Children haven't yet learned how to cope with the unfamiliar, so they feel even more ill-at-ease and self-conscious.

Recognize that your child doesn't choose to be shy. He doesn't cling to you to get your goat. He genuinely feels uncomfortable in new or strange settings. Some researchers say that two out of five children are shy by nature. This temperament trait is believed to be partly genetic. Some kids are born shy, just as they are born with brown eyes or curly hair. We can't re-engineer this inborn characteristic, but we can help kids become more relaxed and adaptable.

Curb the criticism. A shy child hears enough criticism—from herself and others. Whenever an adult pushes her ("Don't be so timid! Just audition for the school play.") she gets the message that there's something wrong with her for not participating. She probably hears her own voice carping, "I'm such a chicken for not trying out for that play." Children who are naturally reserved are often teased and criticized, so they begin to believe this quality is a personal shortcoming. This undermines self-confidence and does little to encourage them to try new things or be more outgoing.

Avoid labeling. When kids repeatedly hear "He's shy," their hesitancy about trying new things is only reinforced. Labeled "shy," they continue to react that way and live up to the expectation. The label can also translate into negative descriptions, such as "awkward,“ “withdrawn“, “a wallflower," which are hardly confidence-builders. Instead, choose your words more carefully when you speak with your child, especially when you talk about him in front of others. An empathic statement like "It's okay to take a little extra time to get used to new things" shows a child that you understand and accept his feelings.

Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. Children who are naturally bashful will probably always feel somewhat anxious in unfamiliar settings, but they can be taught certain skills to become more at ease. For example, teach them how to answer the telephone in a clear voice and take messages. This builds confidence without having to look a stranger in the eye.
Before going to any new event—a birthday party, a large family gathering—talk with your child about what to expect. The more specific information kids have, the more their fears will be relieved. Parents often overlook the fact that all children benefit when taught basic manners—how to shake hands, introduce themselves, look people in the eye. Knowing these social skills gives children reassurance that they won't stick their feet in their mouths.
Finally, keep in mind that a shy nature isn't a bad thing. Kids who are slow to warm up are less likely to follow the crowd and take potentially dangerous risks. For instance, shy children are less likely to get in a car with a stranger. And clingy four-year-olds tend to grow up to become more cautious teenagers who wait and size up a situation before engaging in risky behavior with friends.

Contributed by Author of Black Belt Parenting and master instructor of Action Karate -Solomon Brenner for questions please call 215.355.5003 or email actionkarate.net
 

Golden Rule

This Years most important rule

When you're choosing your most important parenting principle, put teaching the Golden Rule at the top of your list: Treat others the way you want to be treated. Just like gold, the Golden Rule has permanent, high value when fully refined. It ensures good mental health, joy, and life-sustaining quality relationships.

Children want to feel acceptable and lovable even when they mess up. Validate your child’s feelings at the beginning of a problem before setting limits and finding a way to improve their bahavior. That way your child feels accepted, and discipline works a lot better.

Validate your child's strengths. Every day, strive toward making five positive comments for every corrective comment. Most parents fall into the trap of giving more negatives than positives.

Reinforce that mistakes do not make your child bad. Teach that mistakes are an opportunity to learn and grow emotionally, not evidence that a child is bad. The feelings-first-behavior-second corrective approach works really well. Put effort toward helping your child accept himself on the inside before you work on disciplining outside behavior.

Once your child sees the value in himself, use the following tips for teaching how to treat others.

Teach awareness and acknowledgment of others' feelings.For young children, show and tell all aspects of feelings, including appropriate expression of feelings (tone of voice, facial expression), feeling words (sad, mad, afraid, happy, etc.), and how to deal appropriately with feelings—your own and others'. Demonstrating feelings is a powerful starting point. For example, "Your brother kicked the wall when he was angry. What would be a better way for him to handle his anger?"

Teach self-disclosure and ownership of one's part in a problem.Closeness and successful problem-solving happen a lot more when people share feelings openly. Help your child learn to first own his or her part in a problem before pointing out what the other person did wrong. Start by showing your child how it works: "My yelling at you made you really upset. I'll work harder to stay calm." When siblings squabble, always get each child to own his part first—with a lot of support from you. And don't forget the feelings-first-set-limits-second approach.
Teach and demonstrate humility and compassion for others. From one year of age on, continue the approach of modeling and then letting your child demonstrate a behavior, especially compassion. "You sister isn’t feeling well today. Let's help by picking up her toys for her so she doesn’t have to do it later." Make sure to show appreciation and kindness to your spouse or partner. Children want to be like you, and they soak in everything they see and hear.

Demonstrate and teach humility. When your partner or spouse disagrees with you, make sure your child sees you do three things: (1) seriously consider and kindly acknowledge, when possible, the other person's point of view; (2) with assertive kindness, give your point of view; and (3) find a mutually satisfying solution (sometimes let the other person get his way). When opportunities come up, train your child to follow these steps, because humility is the life-blood of an emotionally healthy life.

Here's the take-home lesson: Follow these tips and you will have successfully demonstrated how to treat others by treating your child lovingly. The Golden Rule will have been refined within your child, and your child will believe he is lovable and will acquire the ability to treat others with respect.

Maybe next month the platinum rule

Contributed by Author of Black Belt Parenting and master instructor of Action Karate -Solomon Brenner for questions please call 215.355.5003 or email actionkarate.net
 

Karate or Not?

Usually when people think of karate, they think of self-defense, fighting, or what they’ve seen in movies like The Karate Kid. While karate does of course teach one how to defend oneself, few people are aware of the health and mental benefits that result from martial arts training. Karate provides children with basic building blocks that enable them to grow into strong, healthy, and mature adults. It aids in their physical fitness, their confidence, their focus, and their self-control.

It’s no secret that America has a growing obesity problem. Instead of joining sports teams or playing outside, kids are inside on their computers or playing video games. With the rapid growth of mobile devices that allow for game playing in almost any location, kids today have less reason than ever to be parted from their video game screen. Not only that, but the sinking economy means budget cuts in physical fitness programs both in schools and in extracurricular activities in the community.

The most recent statistics claim that one in three children in US are obese—not surprising, given the evidence stated above. What is surprising is that some parents who do nothing about it. Computers of course have value in their myriad educational benefits, and video games have even been thought to improve hand-eye coordination, but that doesn’t mean parents should excuse consistent sedentary activity.

Karate training employs all parts of the body, literally from head to toe. Children who take karate constantly practice coordination, use multiple muscle groups simultaneously, and engage in cardiovascular activity during their training. By learning and practicing techniques and forms, kids are usually so involved in what they are doing that they don’t even realize they are exercising.

Learning these new moves and techniques also gives children lots of confidence in themselves. While no parent wants to see their child having to physically use his karate skills on a bully, confidence is one karate skill that is great at combating bullying. When bullies choose their victims, the don’t look for kids who are confident and able to stand up for themselves; they look for someone shy who will quietly endure the bullying without telling anyone or standing up for themselves.

These “easy targets” are easy to put down and make bullies feel good about themselves. A child that does karate has confidence knowing he can defend himself, even if he never has to. That mindset alone can be enough to prevent him from becoming a victim of bullying.
The confidence a child receives from his karate training is useful in lots of other ways, too. When a child has to get up in front of his karate class and perform a technique, or introduce himself at a tournament, it gives him more confidence as a public speaker. This means more class participation, more asking questions, and more value from his education. Not only that, but confident children are more willing to try new things, which means that they will grow up to become natural leaders.

One of the greatest advantages karate gives children is improved focus. A child’s ability to focus has nothing to do with his intelligence. Focus is a learned skill, and every child has a different level of ability. Karate makes children work those focusing muscles on a regular basis, so after a while they are able to focus better with much less effort.

One of the reasons many children have trouble focusing is because of their excess energy. Karate takes a lot of energy! Instead of running around the house terrorizing their siblings, breaking furniture, or performing experiments on the cat, karate gives kids a positive outlet for that energy.

Each move in karate, even a simple punch, has specific elements that require focus and practice to get right. If a child is practicing focus skills in his karate training, he will be better able to focus on other important tasks, like homework. Learning the steps to a proper front kick is like learning the steps to a math problem. Learning to focus in a non-threatening environment like a karate class can help children focus on things that seem much more intimidating.

Karate also helps children learn self-control. What child doesn’t need to improve his self-control? Some adults even have trouble with it! While karate class is a lot of fun, it also involves a certain amount of structure. Kids have to follow directions in order to complete their training successfully. This means standing still when necessary, yet knowing when it’s time to use all their energy and show off their skills. Karate teaches children to be respectful of each other, keeping their hands to themselves and using karate in the proper setting—not against other people.

As you can see, karate is about a lot more than learning how to defend yourself. Karate is an activity that feeds a child’s whole being—body, mind, and spirit—teaching them skills that allow them to grow healthy both mentally and physically. Because it includes many fundamental building blocks, it can be helpful in solving many of the problems that children frequently encounter as they grow and mature.

Solomon Brenner has been teaching martial arts to children and adults for 22 years, and holds a 7th degree black belt in Kenpo Karate. During that time he has held countless seminars on subjects such as self-esteem in children and teens, behavior and discipline, praise vs. punishment, career motivation, goal-setting, parenting, and self-defense. He has spoken to elementary schools, women's groups, scouting organizations, civic associations and corporate seminars. Using these experiences, he has recently authored Black Belt Parenting, a motivational how-to book for parents. Please visit www.BLACKBELTPARENTS.com  or call 215.355.5003.
 

Articles

April 2010

Autism Susceptibility Genes Identified
Two genes have been associated with autistic spectrum disorders (ASD) in a new study of 661 families. Researchers writing in BioMed Central's newly launched journal Molecular Autism found that variations in the genes for two brain proteins, LRRN3 and LRRTM3, were significantly associated with susceptibility to ASD.

During Infancy The Human Brain Becomes Tuned To Voices And Emotional Tone Of Voice
New research finds that the brains of infants as young as 7 months old demonstrate a sensitivity to the human voice and to emotions communicated through the voice that is remarkably similar to what is observed in the brains of adults.

March 2010

Bureau of Autism Services 2010 Family and Individual Mini-Grants 

Autism's Earliest Symptoms Not Evident in Children under Six Months

Discovery Of Gene Mutation Linked To Autism-Like Symptoms In Mice

Curemark CM-AT Autism Treatment Granted FDA Fast Track Status

Music Training Enhances Brainstem Sensitivity To Speech Sounds

 February 2010

Doctor Who Tied Vaccine to Autism Ruled Unethical

Lancet Retracts 1998 MMR-Autism Paper

Age of mother affects child's autism risk: study

New Proposed Changes Posted For Leading Manual Of Mental Disorders

Additional Evidence Refutes Vaccine-Autism Link

Developmental Delay In Brain Provides Clue To Sensory Hypersensitivity In Autism

Special Needs Trusts

By: Richard L. Newman

Special needs trusts or "supplemental needs" trusts allow a disabled beneficiary to receive gifts, lawsuit settlements, or other funds without losing his or her eligibility for certain government programs. These trusts are drafted so that the funds will not be considered to belong to the beneficiary when eligibility for public benefits is being determined.

Special needs trusts are designed to pay for comforts and luxuries that could not be paid for by public assistance funds. Some examples of such comforts and luxuries are education, recreation, counseling, and medical attention, beyond the simple necessities of life. Special needs trusts are not intended to provide for basic needs, however, the trustee can use trust funds for food, clothing, and shelter if the trustee decides that doing so is in the best interest of the beneficiary. Under such circumstances, a loss or reduction in public assistance is possible.

Special needs trusts can provide for the following:

• medical and dental expenses
• annual independent check-ups
• specialized equipment (such a specially equipped vans)
• training and education
• insurance
• transportation
• essential dietary needs

If the trust is sufficiently funded, the disabled person can also receive

• spending money
• electronic equipment, computers and appliances
• vacations
• movies and entertainment
• payments for a companion, and other self-esteem and quality-of-life enhancing expenses

Special needs trusts are typically created by a parent or other family member for a child with special needs. Special needs trusts may also be set up in a will as a way for an individual to leave assets to a disabled relative. Sometimes, a disabled individual can create a trust for his or herself, depending on the program for which he or she seeks benefits. These trusts are called "self-settled" trusts and they are frequently established by individuals who become disabled as the result of an accident or medical malpractice, and later receive the proceeds of a personal injury award or settlement.

If you are looking to create a Special Needs Trust, it is very important to hire an attorney with expertise in Special Needs Planning, because it is essential that a Special Needs Trust not be unnecessarily inflexible and generic. Although an attorney with some knowledge of trusts can protect almost any trust from invalidating the child's public benefits, an attorney without special needs experience may not properly customize the trust to the child's particular needs, and the child may not receive the benefits that the parent provided when they were alive.
Another mistake attorneys without Special Needs Planning experience often make is putting a "pay-back" provision into the trust, rather than allowing the remainder of the trust to go to other individuals upon the demise of the special needs child. While these "pay-back" provisions are necessary in certain types of Special Needs Trusts, an attorney who knows the difference can save your family hundreds of thousand of dollars, or more.
For more information about Special Needs Trusts, or for assistance with preparing one, please contact Mr. Newman at 267-288-5765 or Rich@NewmanElderLaw.com.
 

The Top 7 Reasons to Establish a Special Needs Trust

By: Richard L. Newman, Esq.

Special Needs Trusts (SNTs) can play an important role in helping families plan for children with special needs. Here are some of the most compelling reasons to speak with your attorney about establishing an SNT.

1. Preserve public benefits while enhancing your child’s lifestyle. As adults, many individuals with significant special needs obtain basic support from Supplemental Security Income (SSI), which also is the gateway to Medicaid and other critical programs. Since SSI covers only essential expenses, most parents want to supplement their child's lifestyle. But because SSI imposes limits on income and assets, providing funds to the child directly can jeopardize benefits eligibility. Generally, the best solution is placing funds in an SNT. The Social Security Administration (SSA) does not count assets in an SNT as income for determining benefits eligibility because the assets are owned by the trust rather than the child beneficiary.

2. Ensure assets will be used as intended. With an SNT, distribution of assets is directed by trust documents as well as SSA and IRS guidelines. By comparison, if you leave assets to an “able-bodied” child and ask that some of the funds be used for the sibling with special needs, the child may fail to honor your request, lose the assets to creditors or die prematurely and leave the funds to his or her own children.

3. Allow others to contribute. If you establish the trust now, grandparents and others interested in helping your child can make annual gifts to the SNT of up to $12,000 ($24,000 for a married couple) without triggering the gift tax or generation-skipping tax. Anyone interested in leaving your child money should be advised to direct bequests to the SNT.

4. Fund the SNT as you wish. SNTs can be funded with cash, securities or other resources. Often, a second-to-die life insurance policy offers the most affordable option, enabling a family to fund an SNT without depleting assets required for other household needs. If assets in an Individual Retirement Account (IRA) will represent a large portion of your estate, it’s important to speak with an attorney about the most tax-efficient way to transfer those assets to an SNT.

5. Identify appropriate distributions. If you establish and fund an SNT while your child is young, you can use the trust like a checking account to pay the child’s expenses. A future trustee can then refer to a record of these payments as a guide in determining necessary and appropriate distributions.

6. Maximize the benefits of a personal injury settlement. If your child wins a sizable settlement, having the payout (often a lump sum plus a structured settlement) directed to a self-settled SNT offers several benefits. Your child will still qualify for public benefits, can use settlement funds for nonessential expenses and may enjoy the financial security of receiving regular payments for life.

7. Enhance matrimonial settlements. If an adult child who receives SSI and Medicaid divorces, having a self-settled SNT drafted through the divorce decree will allow any alimony or lump-sum payment from your child’s ex-spouse to be paid to the trust. With public benefits intact, it’s possible your child may need less from the ex-spouse. That could help ease matrimonial negotiations while still providing your child with ample resources.

An attorney with expertise in special needs law can help you determine the most appropriate way to structure an SNT to meet your individual needs. For more information about Special Needs Trusts, or for assistance with preparing one, please contact Richard L. Newman at 267-288-5765 or email him at Rich@NewmanElderLaw.com.

For more information about Special Needs Trusts, or for assistance with preparing one, please contact Mr. Newman at 267-288-5765 or Rich@NewmanElderLaw.com.
 

Five Planning Pointers for Parents with Special Needs Children

By: Richard L. Newman, Esq.

Estate planning for a child with special needs is difficult. It can be hard to conceive of how the child (who may well be an adult) will manage without the parent or parents who have been his or her mainstay. And it may be difficult to find the time and energy to do the planning. But when you have a disabled child, the need for estate planning is greater than ever.

Here are a few pointers to get you started:

1. Buy enough life insurance. A parent is irreplaceable. But someone will have to fill in. It may be siblings or other relatives. But in all likelihood, that family will have to pay for at least some services the parent or parents had provided when able. If the estate is not large enough for this purpose, it can be made large enough through life insurance proceeds. Premiums for second-to-die insurance (which pays off only when the second of two parents passes away) can be surprisingly low.

2. Set up a trust. Any funds left for a disabled child, whether from an estate or the proceeds of a life insurance policy, should be held in trust for his or her benefit. Leaving money for anyone with a disability jeopardizes public benefits. In addition, many people with disabilities cannot manage funds – especially large amounts. Some families disinherit disabled children, relying on their siblings to care for them. This approach is fraught with potential problems. Siblings can be sued, get divorced, disagree on their responsibilities, or run off with the funds. It can also cause tax problems for siblings. The best approach is to set up a trust fund for the disabled child.

3. Will and appointment of guardian. While a will and the appointment of a guardian is important for anyone with minor children, it is doubly so if the child is disabled. Finding the right guardian can be difficult. In some cases, the care needs of the child may be so demanding that he or she will need a different guardian from his or her siblings. The parents need to make these determinations while they can. The will is the vehicle for the appointment of a guardian. 

4. An adult child may also require a guardian. When the parent can no longer serve in this role (whether officially appointed or not). It will probably not be legally possible to officially appoint a successor guardian. So, it may make sense to begin making the transition to a new guardian while the parent is able to assist in the process. This can be in the form of co-guardianship, or passing the baton to a successor guardian.

5. Care plan. All parents caring for disabled children are advised to write down what any successor caregiver would need to know about the child and what the parent’s wishes are for his or her care. Should the child be in a group home, live with a sibling, or be on his or her own. Usually, the parent knows best, but needs to pass on the information. The memo or letter can be kept in the attorney’s files with the parent’s estate plan.

6. Coordination with other family members. Even a carefully developed plan can be sabotaged by a well-meaning relative who leaves money directly to the child with a disability. If a trust is created for the benefit of the child, grandparents and other family members should be told about it so that they can direct any bequest they may like to leave to that child through the trust.
 

Telemedicine and Autism: Researchers and Clinicians Are Just Starting to Consider Telemedicine Applications for the Diagnosis and Treatment of Autism

The EARLI Study

The EARLI Study – Early Autism Risk Longitudinal Investigation, a study to find the causes of autism

Location: The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and Drexel University’s School of Public Health

Principal Investigator: Dr. Craig J. Newschaffer

This study of women who are less than 20 weeks pregnant and already have a biological child diagnosed with autism has the potential to provide ground-breaking clues relevant to discovering possible environmental and genetic links to autism.

A network of leading autism researchers from across the country are participating in the largest, real-time research study to investigate early risk factors for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). EARLI will follow up to 1200 pregnant women from 20 or less weeks of pregnancy up to the new baby’s 3rd birthday. This current project aims to discover biological markers and environmental risk factors for autism, collecting wide ranging data with extensive biosampling and investigating the influence of hundreds of environmental factors from diet to infection to pesticides and medications.

Participants Needed:
• Mothers who have a biological child diagnosed with ASD
• Mothers who are pregnant 20 weeks or less, or may become pregnant
• Mothers who live in the participating counties for the various study sites in Southeast Pennsylvania (including some counties in New Jersey and Delaware), Northeast Maryland and Northern California (please see our website for more specifics on locations of the study)
Benefits:
• Participants will receive developmental and behavioral assessments for their new baby, beginning at 6 months of age through their 3rd birthday, along with reports detailing these assessments
• Participants will be compensated between $545 and $605 for completion of the entire study from pregnancy through the baby’s 3rd birthday; they will also be reimbursed for travel and related expenses
• Small gifts for the baby and the family will be given throughout the study, such as books for the baby, a diaper bag, and a social story for siblings about the baby’s birth
• Access to local autism resources and information about study findings

For more information, please visit our website: www.EARLIStudy.org

 

Central Bucks YMCA STARS Program